Dear Archaeologist and Brain Surgeon,
Why are things old?
-Wondering in Wodesto
Dear Wondering,
That's a very good question. Some scientists believe things are old because the natural forces at work on our planet (gravity, erosion, rust imps) impact the environment and everything in it. They say that age and decay are inevitable, except for things made out of titanium, which comes from space.
As The Archaeologist, I say things are old because peoples of the past were fucking slobs and they just threw their junk everywhere and it got all old from neglect. Ooooh, look at me, I'm a prehistoric guy, I just made this crappy biface and I'm going to leave all my chert flakes lying around wherever because I can't be bothered to clean up after myself. I don't have to be tidy, I'm prehistoric. Oooooooh.
The Brain Surgeon can't be bothered to respond because she's busy performing surgery on people's brains or whatever.
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